3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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