Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
