Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
