I wish I only lived at night.
The best revenge is premature balding
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
