every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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