shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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