Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
