you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
