I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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