I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
