so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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