Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
