He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
is that a dick in a sweater?
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