He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Tornado booty call.. dedication
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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