so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
