i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
