if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
