How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
