I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize