I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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