i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
