Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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