In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just found puke in my bra..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
