mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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