if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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