Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You may now shotgun with the bride
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
