I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
