It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
