Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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