Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
