I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There are leaves in my underwear?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
