highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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