Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
