Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
