1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
