So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
