You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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