1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
