My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
