i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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