Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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