There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize