Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
