I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
