peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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