ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Randomize
