Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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