Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
