the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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