You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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