So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
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