So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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