Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
