So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
