I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
