Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
