I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
