he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
