my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
