Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
