and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
