3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Did I show you my penis last night?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
