It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
