What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
