I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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