I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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