She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
