I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
