So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
