i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
