Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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