Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
