There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
