It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
