I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize