It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
