I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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