my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
