GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
