his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
