Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I am spending my child support on dildos
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
