I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
