In the future we'll all be gay
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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