just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
