There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
