i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize