I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
