I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
