Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
