Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
