started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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