I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
