too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
