there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
