I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
