dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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