No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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