I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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