I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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