I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
