so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
