Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
