when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
