Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
