I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
