ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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