Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
