There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
