Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
