Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
