i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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