Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
