The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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