I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
