Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
