I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
