Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
